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What to Do When Baby Only Wants Mom?

Published in Child Development & Bonding 3 mins read

When a baby displays a strong preference for their mother, several strategies can help ease the situation and foster bonding with other caregivers. Here's a breakdown of actions you can take:

Understanding the "Mommy Preference"

It's common for babies to go through phases where they strongly prefer one parent, usually the mother. This can be due to various factors, including:

  • Spending more time with the mother, especially during infancy.
  • Being breastfed.
  • Feeling most secure and comforted by the mother.

Strategies to Encourage Bonding with Other Caregivers

Here are some practical steps to help your baby become more comfortable with other caregivers:

1. Establish a Family Routine

Find a routine the whole family can share. Regular, predictable routines help babies feel secure. Having both parents involved in activities like bath time, story time, or feeding (if bottle-fed) helps the baby associate positive experiences with both caregivers.

2. Model Positive Interactions

Model polite language. When the baby is with the other caregiver, the mother can interact positively and warmly with them, demonstrating trust and affection. "Mommy loves playing with Daddy!" or "Daddy's so good at feeding you!" can help.

3. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings

Empathize with their feelings. If the baby is upset when separated from the mother, acknowledge their feelings. "I know you miss Mommy. She'll be back soon, and Daddy is here to play with you!"

4. Inject Fun and Playfulness

Lighten the mood. Play games, sing songs, or engage in activities that the baby enjoys. A playful and positive atmosphere can help distract from the absence of the mother and create positive associations with the other caregiver.

5. Give the Child a Sense of Control

Give your child something they can control. Offer choices (within reason) to give the baby a sense of control. For example, "Do you want to play with the red toy or the blue toy with Daddy?"

6. Find a Trusted Substitute

Find a good stand in. If the mother needs to leave, having a familiar and trusted caregiver can help ease the transition. This could be a grandparent, close friend, or a regular babysitter.

7. Gradual Separation

Gradually increase the time the baby spends with the other caregiver. Start with short periods and gradually extend them as the baby becomes more comfortable.

8. Make Departures Smooth and Predictable

When the mother leaves, do so calmly and confidently. Avoid lingering or showing anxiety, as this can make the baby more anxious. A quick hug and a clear "I'll be back soon!" is often best.

9. Special Activities with Other Caregivers

The other caregiver can engage in special activities that the baby associates specifically with them. This helps create unique bonds and positive associations.

10. Consistency Is Key

It's essential for all caregivers to be consistent in their approach and routines. This helps the baby feel secure and understand what to expect.

By implementing these strategies, you can help your baby develop secure attachments with multiple caregivers and reduce the "Mommy only" preference.