Why Does My Daughter Rub Herself?

Your daughter might be rubbing herself because it's a way for her to self-soothe, as many kids find it feels good to them.

Understanding Self-Soothing

Self-soothing behaviors are common in children and can be a way they manage stress or simply find comfort. It’s important to understand that:

• It's Often Normal: Many children develop habits like this, and it doesn't necessarily indicate a problem.
• Pleasurable Sensation: The physical act provides a comforting sensation that can be calming.
• Not Always Sexual: While it might seem like it, this behavior is usually not sexually driven in young children.

Addressing the Behavior

It's important to address the rubbing behavior with care and understanding. Here’s a step-by-step approach:

1. Open a Gentle Conversation: Start by talking to your daughter about what she is doing without making her feel ashamed or embarrassed.

2. Focus on Feelings: Ask her how it makes her feel, rather than focusing on the act itself.

3. Offer Alternatives: Suggest other soothing activities she could try when she feels the need to rub herself, such as:

   • Hugging a stuffed animal.
   • Listening to calming music.
   • Reading a book.
   • Engaging in a favorite hobby.

4. Be Patient: It might take time for her to adjust, so be patient and consistent with your approach.

What Not to Do

Here's what you should avoid doing when addressing the behavior:

• Shaming: Never shame or punish your daughter, as this can create negative feelings and may make the behavior worse.
• Overreacting: Try to remain calm and avoid showing any distress. This helps to keep the situation relaxed for your child.
• Ignoring: Ignoring the behavior isn't helpful as it won’t help address the underlying need for self-soothing.
• Forcing Cessation: Forcing her to stop can lead to negative feelings and may even make the behavior more pronounced.
• Making it a Big Deal: If she does this, talk about it privately and calmly with her.

Remember, the key is to approach the situation with empathy and focus on helping your daughter find healthy ways to manage her feelings. The most important thing is to do so in a way so that she doesn't feel ashamed or embarrassed, according to the provided reference.