When interacting with a preacher, it's crucial to communicate respectfully and constructively, avoiding comments that can be dismissive, critical, or create unnecessary friction. The goal is to foster a healthy relationship built on mutual respect.
What Not to Say to a Preacher
It's best to avoid statements that can undermine their ministry, question their dedication, or focus on trivial matters rather than the spiritual message.
Here are some examples of what not to say to a preacher, categorized for clarity:
1. Disparaging Their Preaching or Message
Comments that directly attack a preacher's ability to deliver a sermon or dismiss the message can be disheartening and counterproductive.
- "You couldn't preach your way out of a paper bag." This is a direct, harsh criticism of their competence.
- "We get it; we need to share the gospel. Can we move on?" This dismisses the importance or repetition of a core message, implying the sermon is redundant or unengaging.
Instead, consider: If you have feedback, approach it constructively by focusing on the message's impact rather than personal attacks on their ability. For example, "I'm looking for ways to deepen my understanding of X; perhaps we could explore that further?"
2. Unfavorable Comparisons to Previous Pastors
Comparing a current preacher negatively to their predecessor can create an unhealthy dynamic and make them feel constantly under scrutiny.
- "We aren't going to get as close to you as the last pastor." This statement immediately sets an emotional distance and suggests a lack of openness to forming a new relationship.
Instead, consider: Allow time for a new relationship to develop naturally. Focus on getting to know the current preacher for who they are, rather than through the lens of past relationships.
3. Critiques of Personal Appearance or Style
Focusing on superficial aspects like attire can be distracting and irrelevant to the preacher's primary role.
- "I can't look at you when you preach because you don't wear a suit." This comment prioritizes personal preference for appearance over the spiritual content being shared.
Instead, consider: Recognize that attire standards vary, and personal preferences should not overshadow the spiritual message or the preacher's comfort.
4. Comments Implying Special Treatment or Transactional Relationships
Statements that suggest your contributions entitle you to different treatment or that you are keeping tabs on their awareness of your giving can be inappropriate.
- "You obviously don't look at my tithe amount." This implies that your financial contribution should grant you specific attention, favors, or influence, which goes against the spirit of giving.
Instead, consider: Giving is a personal act of worship and should not be used as leverage for personal gain or recognition.
Table of Comments to Avoid and Why
| Category | What Not to Say | Why It's Problematic |
|---|---|---|
| Preaching/Message | "You couldn't preach your way out of a paper bag." | Highly critical, undermining, and demoralizing. |
| "We get it; we need to share the gospel. Can we move on?" | Dismisses core spiritual messages and can be rude. | |
| Comparisons | "We aren't going to get as close to you as the last pastor." | Creates immediate distance and fosters an unhealthy comparison dynamic. |
| Appearance/Style | "I can't look at you when you preach because you don't wear a suit." | Focuses on superficialities rather than the message or role. |
| Transactional Expectations | "You obviously don't look at my tithe amount." | Implies giving should lead to special treatment or recognition. |
By avoiding these types of comments, individuals can contribute to a more positive, supportive, and spiritually focused environment within the church community.
