Listening to kids effectively involves more than just hearing their words; it requires creating a safe and supportive environment where they feel understood and valued.
Creating a Listening Environment
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Put distractions away: This means silencing your phone, turning off the TV, and making eye contact. This shows the child that you are giving them your undivided attention.
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Be present: Focus completely on what your child is saying and how they are saying it. Try to set aside your own thoughts and worries for the moment.
Active Listening Techniques
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Take your time: Allow ample time for conversation. Don't rush them or interrupt them. Let their words sink in.
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Reflect on their words: Use "reflection statements." Repeat back what your child said in your own words without twisting or interpreting. For example, if a child says, "I don't want to go to school," you could respond with, "So, you're saying you don't want to go to school today." This confirms you heard them and encourages them to elaborate.
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Ask open-ended questions: These encourage children to express their feelings and thoughts more freely. Instead of asking "Did you have a good day?", try "Tell me about your day."
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Validate their feelings: Even if you don't agree with their perspective, acknowledge their feelings. Saying things like, "That sounds frustrating" or "I can see why you're upset" can help them feel understood.
Avoiding Common Mistakes
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Don't downplay their concerns: Avoid minimizing their feelings by saying things like, "Don't worry, it's not a big deal." Their feelings are real and valid to them.
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Resist the urge to interrupt: Let them finish their thoughts before offering advice or solutions, unless they explicitly ask for it.
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Avoid judging or criticizing: Creating a non-judgmental space allows children to feel safe sharing their thoughts and feelings openly.
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Don't lecture or preach: Listening isn't about telling children what to do; it's about understanding their perspective.
By implementing these strategies, you can create a more meaningful connection with children and foster stronger communication. Ultimately, effective listening builds trust and helps children feel heard and valued.
