What is the Correct Pronoun for a Nonbinary Person?

There isn't a single "correct" pronoun for all nonbinary people; rather, the appropriate pronoun is the one an individual nonbinary person uses for themselves. Gender identity is personal, and pronouns are a key way individuals express that identity.

Understanding Pronoun Diversity

Nonbinary individuals use a variety of pronouns, reflecting the diverse spectrum of nonbinary identities:

• They/Them: Many nonbinary people use "they/them" as singular pronouns. This usage is grammatically correct and widely accepted, appearing in dictionaries and style guides.
• He/Him or She/Her: Some nonbinary individuals use "he/him" or "she/her" pronouns. Using these pronouns does not make them any less nonbinary; it simply reflects their personal preference and comfort.
• Neopronouns: Others use neopronouns, which are newer sets of pronouns beyond the traditional "he," "she," and "they." Examples include "xe/xem," "fae/faer," "ze/zir," and many others.

Why Asking is Essential

The most respectful and accurate way to know how to refer to someone is to simply ask them. While it might feel awkward at first, inquiring about someone's pronouns is one of the simplest and most important ways to show respect for their identity.

Here are practical ways to navigate pronoun usage:

• Ask Directly: If you're unsure, politely ask, "What pronouns do you use?" or "Could you share your pronouns with me?"
• Share Your Own Pronouns: When introducing yourself, offer your own pronouns (e.g., "Hi, I'm Alex, and I use she/her pronouns"). This normalizes the conversation and creates a welcoming environment for others to share theirs.
• Listen and Observe: Pay attention to how people refer to themselves or how others who know them use pronouns.
• Use Gender-Neutral Language: If you are unable to ask or are unsure, use gender-neutral language or avoid using pronouns altogether until you know. For instance, instead of "Ask them if he's coming," you could say "Ask if they're coming" or "Ask if Alex is coming."
• Correct Mistakes Gracefully: If you accidentally use the wrong pronoun, correct yourself quickly, apologize briefly if necessary, and move on. For example, "She went to the store—I mean, he went to the store." Avoid making a big deal out of it, which can make the other person uncomfortable.

Importance of Respecting Pronouns

Using someone's correct pronouns is a fundamental act of respect and validation. It acknowledges their identity and contributes to an inclusive environment. Consistently using the wrong pronouns for someone can be hurtful, invalidating, and distressing, often referred to as misgendering. Showing this basic courtesy is a powerful way to demonstrate allyship and support for nonbinary individuals and the broader LGBTQ+ community.

For more information on understanding and supporting nonbinary people, you can visit resources provided by reputable organizations dedicated to transgender equality.