When you don't know someone's gender, the most respectful and effective approach is to focus on treating them as an individual and using inclusive communication practices. This ensures that your interactions are welcoming and considerate, regardless of the person's gender identity.
Prioritizing Respectful Interactions
The core principle when you're unsure of someone's gender is to treat them simply as a human whose gender is not necessarily relevant to the interaction at hand. This shifts the focus from assumptions about identity to a foundation of general respect and courtesy. It helps avoid misgendering someone or making them feel uncomfortable.
Practical Steps for Inclusive Communication
Adopting a few straightforward communication habits can significantly improve how you interact with people when their gender is unknown or not explicitly stated.
Start with Neutral Language
Using gender-neutral terms in your everyday communication is an excellent way to be inclusive from the outset. This practice avoids making assumptions and creates a more welcoming environment for everyone.
Examples of Gender-Neutral Language:
| Instead of (Gendered) | Consider Using (Neutral) |
|---|---|
| Sir, Ma'am | Excuse me, Folks, Everyone |
| Ladies and Gentlemen | Guests, Colleagues, Valued Customers, Team |
| He/She (when referring to an unknown person) | They/Them (as singular), The person, The customer |
| Misters/Madames | Esteemed Guests, All present |
How to use neutral language:
- Addressing a group: Instead of "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen," try "Good morning, everyone" or "Good morning, team."
- Referring to someone whose gender you don't know: If you're talking about a customer you haven't met, instead of "He/she might call later," say "The customer might call later" or "They might call later."
- In professional settings: Opt for terms like "colleagues," "team members," or "attendees" over gender-specific titles.
Polite Ways to Ask About Pronouns
It is now considered a polite and respectful practice to ask about someone's pronouns, especially in settings where personal introductions are common. This demonstrates that you care about addressing them correctly.
Here are some ways to respectfully inquire about someone's pronouns:
- "What pronouns do you use?"
- "My pronouns are [your pronouns]; what are yours?"
- "Could you please share your pronouns with me?"
- "Just so I can address you correctly, what pronouns do you use?"
It's common for people to include their pronouns in email signatures, social media bios, or during introductions, which can also help clarify.
Always Use Identified Names and Pronouns
Once you know someone's identified name and pronouns, it is crucial to use them consistently. This is a fundamental aspect of respect and acknowledging their identity. Using a person's correct name and pronouns affirms their identity and fosters a positive relationship.
What to do if you make a mistake:
If you accidentally use the wrong name or pronoun, simply correct yourself quickly and move on. For example, "Oh, I'm sorry, I meant they," or "My apologies, [correct name]." There's no need for elaborate apologies that might make the other person uncomfortable. The important thing is to show that you're making an effort to learn and be respectful.
By adopting these practices, you contribute to a more inclusive and respectful environment for everyone you interact with.
