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What not to say to a hospital patient?

Published in Patient Communication 3 mins read

When communicating with a hospital patient, it's crucial to choose words carefully to provide comfort, support, and empathy rather than inadvertently causing distress or minimizing their experience. Certain common phrases, while well-intentioned, can be unhelpful or even harmful.

Phrases to Avoid and Better Alternatives

It's important to recognize that what we say can significantly impact a patient's emotional state. Here's a look at common "never-words" and more supportive language:

Phrases to Avoid Alternative Language
"Everything will be fine." "I'm here to support you throughout this process."
“Fight” or “battle” “We will face this difficult disease together.”
“What would he want?” “If he could hear all of this, what might he think?”

Why Certain Phrases Are Unhelpful

Understanding the impact behind these phrases can help you communicate more effectively:

Minimizing Suffering

Saying "Everything will be fine" often stems from a desire to reassure, but it can invalidate a patient's fears and experiences. Patients facing serious illness or recovery from surgery know that outcomes are uncertain, and such platitudes can make them feel unheard or dismissed. It can also set unrealistic expectations, leading to greater disappointment if the situation doesn't improve as hoped.

Imposing Pressure or Blame

Language like “fight” or “battle” can inadvertently place immense pressure on the patient. It implies that their recovery is solely dependent on their will or strength, and if they don't improve, they might feel they have failed or not "fought hard enough." This can lead to guilt, shame, and a sense of inadequacy, especially for those who are already physically and emotionally depleted. A patient's illness is not a moral failing or a test of their strength.

Creating Unnecessary Stress

Asking questions such as “What would he want?” (referring to a patient who might be unconscious or too ill to communicate) can be incredibly stressful for family members. It forces them to make difficult, often speculative, decisions under immense pressure. This type of hypothetical can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and potential conflict among family members who might have differing interpretations of the patient's wishes.

General Principles for Effective Communication

Beyond specific phrases, adopting a compassionate and mindful approach to communication is key:

  • Listen Actively: Give the patient your full attention. Let them speak without interruption, acknowledging their feelings and concerns. Sometimes, simply being present and listening is the most powerful support you can offer.
  • Offer Practical Support: Instead of broad assurances, offer specific, tangible help. This could be as simple as "Can I bring you anything from home?" or "Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?"
  • Validate Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions directly. Phrases like "It sounds like you're feeling a lot of fear right now, and that's completely understandable" can be incredibly validating.
  • Focus on Presence and Shared Journey: Emphasize that you are there for them, no matter the outcome. This shifts the focus from a solitary struggle to a supported process.
  • Be Honest (but Compassionate): While avoiding harsh truths, also avoid false hope. If discussing difficult topics, do so gently, empathetically, and always with the patient's well-being at the forefront.
  • Respect Privacy and Boundaries: Understand that patients might not always want to talk, or they might prefer to keep certain details private. Respect their need for quiet or personal space.

By being mindful of your language and focusing on genuine empathy and support, you can create a more comforting and healing environment for hospital patients.