Relationship paperclipping describes a pattern of behavior where someone abruptly ends communication or disappears entirely from a relationship, only to reappear later with a seemingly innocent message or interaction.
Understanding Paperclipping in Relationships
In the context of relationships, paperclipping is characterized by a person's sudden withdrawal, followed by an unexpected, often brief, re-engagement. This re-engagement is typically marked by a casual, unassuming message or interaction that doesn't acknowledge the prior absence or the abrupt ending of communication. This pattern can lead to a repeated cycle of attention and withdrawal, causing confusion and frustration for the recipient.
Key Characteristics of Paperclipping
Paperclipping can be identified by several distinct behaviors:
- Abrupt Disappearance: The individual suddenly stops responding to messages, calls, or cuts off all contact without explanation.
- Innocent Reappearance: After a period of silence, they resurface with a casual message that often seems innocuous, such as "Hey, how have you been?" or "Just thinking about you." There's typically no apology or explanation for their absence.
- Brief and Inconsistent Interaction: The renewed contact is often short-lived and lacks consistency. They may engage for a brief period before disappearing again.
- Cycle of Attention and Withdrawal: This creates a repetitive loop where the person dangles small amounts of attention, then pulls back, leaving the recipient in a state of uncertainty.
The Dynamics of Paperclipping
To further illustrate the pattern, consider the contrast between the phases:
| Aspect | Disappearance Phase | Reappearance Phase |
|---|---|---|
| Communication | Abruptly ends, silence, no explanation | Initiates with an innocent, casual message |
| Duration | Can be prolonged, from days to weeks or longer | Often brief, sometimes just a single message |
| Acknowledgement | None regarding the prior relationship or sudden end | None regarding the prior absence or reason for it |
| Pattern | Breaking contact, creating distance | Re-establishing a tenuous connection, testing |
Why it's Called "Paperclipping"
The term "paperclipping" draws its name from the nostalgic Microsoft Office Assistant, Clippy, the animated paperclip. Just as Clippy would unexpectedly pop up with uninvited advice or assistance, a person engaging in paperclipping resurfaces unexpectedly in someone's life, often without a clear purpose or invitation, and then disappears again.
Impact on the Recipient
Being on the receiving end of paperclipping can be emotionally taxing. It can lead to feelings of confusion, frustration, and a sense of being used or toyed with. The inconsistent nature of contact makes it difficult for the recipient to move on or gain closure, as they are repeatedly drawn back into an unpredictable dynamic.
